Emo or Happy?

Hi it's me again. I always write on my blog only for either 2 reasons; Emo or Happy.


You're right, its Emo this time.


I have been stuck in this hell hole company STM for almost a year. The biggest REGRET of my life is to sign the FUCKING goddamned CHEEBY LAMPA FUCK FUCK FUCK SCHOLARSHIP FROM STM. The scholarship has a contract which requires me to work for 3 years. FUCK ME!!! Why am I so foolish. On the very faithful day that I sign the scholarship contract is the start of my fucked up life.


I remember the first day of work, I rode my motorbike to work. I was filled with excitement and I met a friendly uncle at my company's carpark. We chatted away and it all seems like it's going to be a wonderful experience at STM.


I got attached to electrical dept (duh I studied electrical and that's the only place I can go). I always imagined working as an engineer would be fun; inventing new things, fixing machines, building wonderful things... When I stepped into the electrical dept, I was STUNNED..... OH MY FUCKING GOD. If I knew, I wouldn't have wanted to be an engineer. There are indian workers everywhere.(not saying I dislike them. It's jus everyone's first reaction. but after hang out with them, I feel that they are actually very nice, very caring, very good buddies! )


Anyway, continuing on... The worst part is the TOILET. FUCK!!@@!! Shit is everywhere on the floor, I couldn't even breathe. I held my breathe and quickly pee and get the hell outta there. I can't even imagine if I had to shit in that toilet for 5 mins.


Just when I thought I had already seen the worst, I was horrified yet again by another encounter. It was my first day and my "Upper-study" brought me onboard the ship to see the electrical works. The moment I put my first step on to the ship is the moment I wished everything could rewind back to the days when I was choosing my poly course. The entire ship is very very dusty, and I meant it. My dust mask was BLACK just by walking inside awhile. There are many cables laying around, metal bars hanging over your head, holes on the ground, steps which are very steep, blackout areas, and many hazards... It was as though you are going to die/injured anytime if you make any wrong step. I cried in my heart while following my senior around the ship.


It was lunch time, and guessed what, my senior did not offer to go lunch with me. So, I headed to the canteen by myself. Anyway, I am already quite used to eating by myself. Just then, I saw a guy whom I recognized in the electrical dept. He look kinda okay to hang out with. I bought my rice and sit with him at the table as he was alone too. His name is Firdaus, and we hang out regularly ever since. I can say that he is the "closest friend" I have had in this company so far. He is same like me, studied elect and signed 3 years bond. We share many things in common like riding motorbike etc. After knowing him, my days in the new environment seems to be working out fine.


Just as I thought everything was okay, THIS thing came. This thing is..... My knee pain.


It basically RUINED my entire life. Even basic activities like walking or standing for short while became a huge obstacle. Even till now, for almost a year, I am still being bugged by this knee pain.


I got transferred to a new dept which does admin work. At least the toilet here is for human. No shit no smell. I have a computer terminal for myself. The people in my new dept is somewhat less friendly. Well, everything has its pros and cons. I didn't like my colleagues as they are always putting up a mask and very political. Some of them would claim credit for the work that I did. I did not make any friends in this new dept.


Every day was a fucking torment. I have lunch alone, I do my work alone. When it's time to knock off, one of them even said "Wah,  SO early going back already ah". Well, why do you even care mother fucker?


Every single day, Every hour, Every Minute seems to pass by so slowly. I was crying inside me daily. I had to endure the mental stress as well as my physical pain of my knee. I knock off at 5pm, but by the time I reach home, it was already 7.30pm. I had to take the company bus (1.5hour) and then take bus853 (30min+) and walk (15min). When I've finally reached home, I was already dead beat. I went to bathe, eat dinner, sleep. No time for anything else.


I managed to survive the horrible days of work. But my personality changed. I got very frustrated easily, lost my passion for everything (including my favourite hobby). When I was a kid, I wanted to grow up and become adult faster.. I never knew growing into adult is so tough. I even blamed my mother for bringing me into this world as all I ever experience every day was pain and sadness.


Finally the day has come..


I tendered my resignation. I curse this fucked up company for bringing me all these years of pain. I curse STM for destroying my knees. I can never walk properly again. But of course, I did not write this in my resignation letter la -.- my last day of work is in august. I doubt anybody will organise a farewell lunch for me in my dept. At least I still have Firdaus to have a farewell lunch together with another guy called Aaron from elect dept. Firdaus has also tendered his resignation.


I really hope my sufferings ends here. I hope I can leave behind my sorrows and knee pain. Give my pain to the Fucker who open STM. I believe that there are many people in STM who are also suffering silently. But I don't think anyone could have had it worst than me.


I really hope my next post is a HAPPY one when I start my university in August.


See u then!