So thankful for my brother to be there for me when I am so down. I was contemplating whether to end my life. But my bro asked me to go to church and see if it helps. After going for a year +, I felt a change.
My journey is not easy. There's so many ups and downs. I asked for God to show me a sign that He is real. He really proved to me that He is real! He gave me hope to live again. Whenever I felt weak, I know He is always there for me. But there's alot of disappointments too. Whenever I pray for healing for my knees, it didn't get answered. I cried out to God and was angry sometimes thinking why doesn't He want to heal me. But I know, he did not bring me this far to leave me. He has the final say, He will fullfill his promise to me.
At work, it's really not easy. Sometimes, I felt everything is going to be okay. Sometimes, it seems so gloomy. During the quarterly meeting today, we had to stand in the meeting room as there's no enough chair. So I brought my own stool in. However, I was mocked by my colleagues. I felt so awkward and ashamed. At times like this, I hate how I couldn't stand normally, how my knee would hurt just by standing awhile. Incidents like this make me feel like the world is so dark and hopeless.
Lord, I need your strength...
